Why Do We Celebrate Valentine’s Day?

It’s likely that you’ve never paused for a moment, mid-kiss or right before eating the last piece of heart-shaped chocolate, to wonder why in the world we do all of these things on this holiday.

Who is this Valentine character and why does he force us to get all gushy and spend wads of cash on jewelry that our significant others might not even like?

Well Feb. 14 was only first associated with love and affection in the Middle Ages when Pope Gelasius I established it as an official “day” in 496 AD.

But Valentine’s Day (originally known as Saint Valentine’s Day) started as a holiday that honors a series of Christian martyrs of the above mentioned name. Specifically (according to History.com) Valentine of Rome, Valentine of Terni. Unfortunately association with these two clergymen was essentially lost and forgotten by the time Feb. 14 became a day for heart bubbles and hugs.

There are all kinds of legends as to how this holiday grew into what it is today, but the one we think makes the most sense (we just want it to be true!) is when the first valentine card was sent – and why.

It is said that the priest Valentine disobeyed a law from Roman Emperor Claudius II, one that ordered all young men remain unmarried. So Valentine secretly performed the hitching ceremonies regardless, and when he was found out he was thrown in jail to be executed.

And so, the night before his death, Valentine allegedly wrote a note addressed to a young girl who may very well have been his main squeeze, and he signed it “From your Valentine.”

Aaaaaawwwwwwwww.

What are you doing wasting time questioning Valentine’s Day and why it even matters? Go find someone you love (or at least like a little) and tell them so. You’ll feel so good afterward – and you might even get laid! (BONUS.)

What Are the Best Aphrodisiacs to Get In a Sexy Mood?

Valentine’s Day is getting close and it’s time to figure out how you can make the night extra-special for your sweetheart. But flowers and candies are passé, and if you eat too many caramels you might end up with a stomach ache – not sexy.

Here are some of our favorite treats that are known for their aphrodisiac qualities, and what more could you want than a meal full of foods that’ll get your motors running and ready for some action?

1. Honey

Honey is sweet and sticky and fun to eat, especially when it’s drizzled on your lover’s skin. But what you might not know about the gooey treat is that it’s also a solid source of boron, a mineral known for enhancing testosterone levels in the blood and metabolizing estrogen.

Testosterone is the male hormone that facilitates orgasm and sex drive, while estrogen is the female sex hormone responsible for all kinds of intimate sensations. And on top of all that, honey’s got B vitamins, enzymes and other nurturing nutrients that help the get-sexy process moving smooth.

2. Oysters

They don’t look appetizing and many of us have a hard time even thinking about swallowing one. But we’ve all heard the rumors that oysters are one of the most recommended aphrodisiacs on the planet, so maybe it’s worth a shot?

Oysters are super-high in zinc, a mineral that boosts libido and mood and even helps produce sperm.

So make a night of it, go to an oyster bar known for different varieties (like wine, oysters from different regions taste different!) and make sure you have a cold glass of champagne or white wine nearby to help get the mood right.

Plus, if you don’t like the taste of oysters but want to get your money’s worth, you’ll have something to wash them down with and will certainly help get you giggly and happy for dessert!

3. Avocado

According to some researchers, the Aztecs called the avocado “ahuacuatl,” which means testicle tree. Hm.

Well, sure, they look like men’s dangly parts, but what really gets people in the mood is the fruit’s rich folic acid, potassium, and vitamin B6 components – all important for mood and energy boosting along with increased blood flow and sexy thoughts.

4. Rock On Sexy Cocktail

Rock on is an amazing sexual elixir with two special formulations designed specifically for his and her desires. Each drink is made of all-natural herbal ingredients each with a different pleasure purpose.

Herbal aphrodisiacs including horny goat weed increase sexual desire and libido, guarana and caffeine boost energy, and particular pleasure-inducing components are added to each for targeted enhancement for men and women. Ginkgo biloba and St. John’s Wort calm and relax her mood, while xanthoparmelia scabrosa extract increase his blood flow and erectile function.

And the best part? Each formula tastes great mixed with vodka and a little cranberry juice, making the ultimate get-sexy after-dinner cocktail that’ll get you both in the mood fast!

5. Chocolate

Pure chocolate is a wonderful aphrodisiac known for its anandamide and phenylethylamine, two chemicals known for their ultimate mood-boosting properties. Phenylethylamine releases dopamine – a chemical that the body naturally releases during orgasm.

The euphoric feeling you get from eating a piece of pure chocolate is one of a kind, and you can bet that after just a few bites – especially with some champagne or strawberries nearby – you’ll be ready to rip each other’s clothes off before dessert’s finished.

Just don’t eat too much – cavities and stomach aches are NOT sexy!

5 Ways to Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day

Without a sweetheart or special date it’s easy to feel down and out. But what we’ve all forgotten is how important it is to love ourselves, and what better time of year to do it than Cupid’s special day?

Because only you know what you truly want and need, and heck, if it’s a bunch of red roses, that’s totally cool. But ladies, when it comes to self-love on Valentine’s Day there’s only direct path to your heart, and we’ve got the tools you need.

How about a mini vibe in one hand, a glass of champagne in the other, and some lube nearby in case it turns into an all-nighter?

And to help you on your way, here are 5 top tips to guarantee you a Valentine’s Day that will bring you precisely what you want:

 1. Treat Yourself – to a New Sex Toy! There are so many stylish and sexy toys out there, (and may we recommend a stylish piece from The Studio Collection?) Once you see how clever these little vibes can be you surely can find room in the budget. That lipstick right there, and the mascara next to it – they’re not actually cosmetics. Turn them on, feel them buzz, and get ready for a very special night in. You’ll never look at your makeup bag the same way.

2. Pamper Yourself. Turn off your phone, shut down the computer, and light some candles. This is a day for you – and only you – so make it count. Take a bath (The Studio Collection vibrates at full speed even underwater!), turn on some music, and get ready for a fresh-faced flush that only a Studio Collection “cosmetic” can give!

3. Check You Out. You’re enjoying sex with someone you love (YOU!) so why not see it for yourself? Prop yourself near a mirror and watch yourself move the rhythm – tease and please to your heart’s content and watch your inhibitions melt away.

4. Double-Hand It.  Right-handed or a lefty? Doesn’t matter! Unless you’re nursing a sore wrist or resting up for an all-nighter there’s no reason not to put both hands to work this Valentine’s Day. If you prefer to keep your dominant hand in charge of the sex toy, see what you can do with the other to enhance the experience. Don’t forget all those other erogenous zones that would surely appreciate some attention from a petite and discreet sex toy. You can handle it, we promise.

5. Share the Wealth! Now that you’ve gotten up close and personal with yourself, why not show your skills to someone new – he doesn’t have to be Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now, and if he’s got the skills then honey, enjoy them. We guarantee he’ll love to see what you’ve been up to this Valentine’s Day.

How Do I Celebrate Valentine’s Day on a Budget?

We’re not all rolling in dough and holidays like Valentine’s Day can stress many of us out. What’s one to do when all the best V-Day gifts cost an arm and a leg that we just can’t spare? Here are some thoughtful – yet sexy – gift ideas for the Casanova or Cleopatra on a budget.

 

1.     Dinner. (And you’re the chef.)

You may have heard it before but nothing makes a girl or guy feel more special than coming home to find you’ve planned an entire evening devoted just to them – especially when it involves a home-cooked meal and something special for dessert.

Find out what their favorite food is. If it’s something complicated or crazy, go with something their mother used to make that they rarely eat on their own. (This might involve some sleuth work but hopefully you have some way to engage friends or family members to find out.)

Then make sure you plan it on a night that’s totally open. No meetings, no outings, and certainly no need to wake up super-early the next day. This is a big night and it’s likely not going to end with a simple piece of cake.

Set the table and have the house as clean as possible. Then time it so when your partner walks through the door the place already smells like the meal of his or her dreams. Pour a glass of wine or water, sit them down, and tell them not to lift a finger. Dinner (and cleanup) is on you tonight.

You’ll be thanked handsomely. Probably more than once.

2.     O-Vation Sex Kit

When you want to bring something new and exciting into the bedroom but don’t have a ton of cash to drop on the new must-have sex toy, there’s the O-Vation intimacy kit – a mini collection of sensual products ideal for a perfect night in, with two sets of each item so you’ll be ready for the encore!

Each O-Vation kit features:

• 2 Screaming O Vibrating Rings – These vibrating rings have won countless awards for quality and general awesome-ness, and this kit has three so you won’t run out of juice before you do.

They’re comfortable, easy to try, and disposable so you can toss them away once they’ve done their job. She’ll experience sensations she’s never before had, and he’ll be her Prince Charming.

• 2 Lubricant Packs – Nothing says great sex quite like lube! We’ve included two sample packs of great-tasting flavored lube so you can keep things slick and smooth all night long.2 Warming Lube Packets
• 2 Sensually Thin Condoms – Nothing says “I love you” quite like safe sex and you’ll always be prepared for whatever comes your way with these two condoms by your side.
• 2 Sensual Wipes – Freshen up before you both get started or clean up after sex quickly and easily. These fresh-smelling wipes are handy to keep around the house or even carry around with you so you’ll never miss another horny moment.
•  2 Pillow Mints – Cuz why not? They taste good, and everyone could use a bit of a breath boost at the end of the day.

3.     Picnic in the Park

It sounds corny, like something you’d see in a cookie-cutter rom-com film, but there’s something quaint, cute and thoughtful about setting up a little picnic in the park. It shows you’re thinking outside the box and eager to show your partner you care.

Nothing puts a person in a better mood than sunshine, blue skies, and yummy food. So fill your pack with your partner’s favorite drinks and snacks and don’t forget a blanket! Stuff some pillows and maybe another blanket in there so that, once you’ve eaten everything and ready to sun yourselves, you can set up a comfortable spot to lie together.

Listen to music, read books, toss a Frisbee – enjoy the simple things that your partner probably has been too stressed or busy to make time for, and remind him or her of how easy it can be when you’re with the person you love!

4.     Massage. (And you’re the masseuse.)

You can get a full-body treatment for your beau at a fancy spa if you agree to eat Ramen noodles for every meal the month prior. But why spend have your week’s salary on an hour with a stranger?

You can make the experience a million times more intimate if you do it yourself, and when you’re all done loosening up your partner with oil and soft-yet-firm strokes there’s nothing stopping you from lubing yourself up and joining the rubdown fest!

Aside from the obvious benefits – soothed muscles, good mood, relaxed state of mind – massages are one of the most romantic (not to mention sexy) things you can do for one another. You’re not wearing clothes, lights are dim, candles are lit, music is soft, and your hands are all over your partner’s naked body. It screams sex.

Put in a little study time and look online for back, butt and leg techniques and do your best to replicate what you learn. Your partner will be happy to the center of your attention and when he/she feels your strong hands at work, you both can expect much more than a happy ending!

5.     A Night at the Theater (in your apartment.)

Movie tickets aren’t cheap, and with parking fees and the general irritation of being surrounded by loud moviegoers scarfing popcorn and spilling soda, a trip to the theater just isn’t all that hot.

But as we always say, if you want it done sexy you gotta do it yourself. Find out your partner’s favorite movie, or if there’s a film he or she has desperately wanted to see. You can find this out from friends, casual (and stealthy) breakfast conversation, or by stealing a glance at your shared Netflix account.

Surprise your partner with a special night in. Turn the lights off, clear off the couch, and set up a special viewing/snacking/snuggling area just for you too. Make popcorn from scratch (or microwave if you must), pick up a collection of chocolates and candies to snack on, and make sure there are plenty of drinks available to wash it all down.

Because the one thing we always wish we could do at the movie theater is to snuggle up to our honeys without those damn arm rests getting in the way. Especially when the movie features some kind of scary monster. But keep in mind that since this is a special gift for your partner, you might have to take one for the team and watch something you’d rather not.

Be a good sport and remember whose special night is – because your partner certainly will, and will undoubtedly return the favor in a variety of ways once the credits start rolling.

What Do I Get My Man for Valentine’s Day?

It’s the holiday of romance and love and some girls forget that there’s more to it than receiving flowers and boxes of chocolates. You can’t forget to show the man you love that, well, you love him!

But he’s not as easy as you might think – he doesn’t care for chocolate, is unfazed by flowers, and if you were to hand him a teddy bear clutching a doily heart he might run for the hills.

Think outside the girl-zone and remember that there’s a good chance all your man wants for Valentine’s Day is YOU. So here are some clever – and sexy – ways to give it to him.

1.     Play Dress-Up. Every man’s fantasy involves his woman in some kind of getup emulating a particular female figure from pop culture and real life. Maybe he loves Star Wars and dreams of making out with Princess Leia. Or possibly the idea of getting down and dirty with a pirate maiden turns him on. What if his maid suddenly started to strip as she cleaned his kitchen?

These are all scenarios and characters that guys across the country love to fantasize about fornicating with – but often have to wait until Halloween to see their ladyfolk scantily clad in less-than-conservative costumes.

So this Valentine’s Day surprise him by answering the door wearing one of his favorite fictional characters and bring his inner-most desire to life!
2.     Cook. Every guy loves a good meal almost as much as he loves good sex. And it tastes especially delicious when he doesn’t have to do a damn thing in order to eat it. Find out his favorite food and have all the ingredients and recipes ready for the special day.

Surprise him with a home cooked meal and, if you’re feeling frisky, wear an apron and nothing else. That way he can watch your every move as your bend over, twist, and stir while making his special Valentine’s Day meal.

And keep in mind that dessert is everyone’s favorite part of the meal, so have something special planned. We’re thinking something with whipped cream, chocolate sauce and strawberries – and your body as the serving dish

3. Plan a Bedroom Adventure. Guys love to know when you’re thinking about them – especially when it involves sex. Knowing this is a special day to show your man how much you love him, why not open your mind and plan something intimate that he never would expect from you?

What’s his favorite sex position? Is there something he’s always wanted to try? Or better yet, maybe there’s a sex toy or tool that will rock his world in ways he never thought possible! Surprise him with a selection of the best sex toys that are made for couples to use together!

Couples rings can bring a fun buzz to the bedroom, making his nether regions look bigger and stronger while giving you both a vibration sensation that heightens your pleasure together.

Tease him with a spread of sex toys and other fun tools (flavored lube, massage oils, candles, feathers, etc.) and let him revel in the fact that you’ve clearly put some thought into what kind of naughty sexcapades you want to have with him.

Try a BongO, which features a vibrator and enhancement ring but also a little weighted ball at the bottom that will pay special attention so his extra sensitive zone each time he moves.

Or give the original award-winning Screaming O Vibrating Ring a go and see what all the Screaming is about? Because at the end of the day nothing will make him feel more like a stud than hearing how much you enjoy his…company.

4. Practice Kama Sutra

You’ve read about it, seen it in movies, and wondered if it’s really possible to contort into some of these positions. So why not actually try it?

Pick up a Kama Sutra for beginners book and set the scene (in bed, on the floor, wherever your heart desires) so when he gets home there’s nothing else for him to do except undress.

You’re both going into it as newbies so don’t be nervous and – most important – have FUN. Make each position a game, seeing if you can maneuver yourselves into each pose, and be sure to keep track of the ones you particularly like!

5. Give Him a Vibrating Massage

Everyone loves a good rub down and it can be one of the most intimate, romantic and sexual acts that a couple can do together. Have the usual tools handy – massage oil, candles, music – but try out some extra tricks that’ll kick his massage session up a notch!

The Screaming O FingO (or the FingO Glow, which lights up!) turns your entire hand into a vibrator and will help you soothe his sore muscles and titillate his senses at the same time!

The Screaming Octopus is another fun little toy that, when lightly brushed against the skin, sends quivers of sensation up the spine thanks to little vibrating “tentacles.” Tease him with one hand while you rub with the other – and be sure to veer off the “path!” He’ll be pleasantly surprised.

What Do I Get My Girl for Valentine’s Day?

It’s that time of year again and this year you’re not going to get sucked into the Hallmark holiday like all the other guys in America…right? You don’t want to go the usual flowers/candy/jewelry route cuz that’s what she’ll expect, and we know you don’t have time to scour the Internet and the tri-state area to find the perfect unique gift.

We’re here to help you out.

1. Flowers. (But not the dying kind.)

Girls love to get flowers, but they’re a hassle to keep alive. And heaven forbid she might have a cat or two in her house because they’ll take one look at the vase and start licking their chops.

But if flowers are her “thing” why not get her a permanent bouquet? It ain’t cheap to pick up a dozen roses or an arrangement of her favorite rare wildflowers, so spend your money on a version made of glass.

There are all kinds available online, and you don’t have to spring for the fancy Murano glass that comes up with a Google search. Use your imagination and put together a little collection in colors you know your girl loves.

Put them in a long box (the kind florists use to mail long-stem roses) and wrap them up – let her do the arranging since this will end up being a permanent part of her apartment’s décor.

2. Cupid’s Bag O Sexy Tricks

If you and your partner are both living, breathing humans, there’s a good chance she enjoys sex and – better yet – enjoys having it with you. So why not get her a gift that not only keeps on giving, but you can enjoy, too?

Navigating the couples product world can be tricky and there’s a ton of stuff out there to try. To make it easy and fast to find the best of the best, we’ve put together a collection of top toys that give you a proper sampling of vibrators, love rings and other sex essentials without a price tag that’ll send you spinning.

• 3 Screaming O Vibrating Rings – These vibrating rings have won countless awards for quality and general awesome-ness, and this kit has three so you won’t run out of juice before you do.They’re comfortable, easy to try, and disposable so you can toss them away once they’ve done their job. She’ll experience sensations she’s never before had, and he’ll be her Prince Charming.
• 2 Lubricant Packs – Nothing says great sex quite like lube! We’ve included two sample packs of great-tasting flavored lube so you can keep things slick and smooth all night long.
• 2 Sensual Wipes – Freshen up before you both get started or clean up after sex quickly and easily. These fresh-smelling wipes are handy to keep around the house or even carry around with you so you’ll never miss another horny moment.
•  2 Sensually Thin Condoms – Nothing says “I love you” quite like safe sex and you’ll always be prepared for whatever comes your way with these two condoms by your side.
• 2 Pillow Mints – Cuz why not? They taste good, and everyone could use a bit of a breath boost at the end of the day.
• 1 Fun Positions Booklet – Now this is where it gets good. You’ve got the sex part down and have all of Cupid’s tools by your side. But what next? This little booklet of sex positions will inspire you both to turn upside down and twist things up. Because you’re never too old to try new tricks!
• FREE Screaming O Vibrating Bullet – Everyone loves free stuff and we love to give it away. Just for being keen enough to know what to get your partner, we’ve thrown in a free super-powered vibrating bullet to give you a little extra buzz in the bedroom.

3. Couples Massages

It might sound cheezy but there’s something sensual and intimate about being in a room together and having the tension rubbed out of you at the same time. The shared experience not only melts away stress, it makes you feel uber relaxed and aware of your body.

And that can only lead to one thing: sexy times.

Depending on your location and budget, you can find spas that offer traditional relaxation massage or something a little more hardcore, like Thai or deep tissue, that takes a bit more stamina but really works out your kinks. Be sure to request a couples room so you don’t get separated.

Or you can go a little further and have the two masseuses do a house call! That way there’s no parking, traffic or driving time getting in the way of you and your girl getting down after the practitioners leave you both loose and oiled up.

4. Dinner. With a Tasting Menu.

This ain’t your ordinary dinner for two. This gift is especially amazing for foodies who love new tastes and trying new things. Find out what your partner’s tastes are (if you don’t know them already) and check out what local restaurants are offering prix fixe or tasting menus in honor of the holiday of love.

For a flat price you’ll both get a sampling of the restaurant’s finest, often with some special flavor added by the chef’s own cooking preferences. This is the best way to eat something you’d never normally (Sea urchin risotto? Oysters? Beef carpaccio?) and do it confidently knowing that, since the chef chose it special, it’s probably going to taste damn good.

5. Cupid’s Sexy Gift Box

This is a your one-stop shop for all the sexy tools, toys, and sexcessories that’ll show your partner just how “into it” you are. This kit has all the basics and best-of’s that Cupid’s Bag of Sexy Tricks contains but includes a few extra next-level toys that will knock your socks off.

• 1 FingO Vibrating Finger Vibe – This powerful little vibrator sits comfortable on any finger and turns your hand into the ultimate sex toy!
• 1 BigO Glow Light-up Ring – This couples ring features an LED light that will brighten up the bedroom and make sex in the dark even more fun.
• 3 Screaming O Vibrating Rings – These vibrating rings have won countless awards for quality and general awesome-ness, and this kit has three so you won’t run out of juice before you do.They’re comfortable, easy to try, and disposable so you can toss them away once they’ve done their job. She’ll experience sensations she’s never before had, and he’ll be her Prince Charming.
• 2 Lubricant Packs – Nothing says great sex quite like lube! We’ve included two sample packs of great-tasting flavored lube so you can keep things slick and smooth all night long.
• 2 Sensual Wipes – Freshen up before you both get started or clean up after sex quickly and easily. These fresh-smelling wipes are handy to keep around the house or even carry around with you so you’ll never miss another horny moment.
• 2 Sensually Thin Condoms – Nothing says “I love you” quite like safe sex and you’ll always be prepared for whatever comes your way with these two condoms by your side.
• 2 Pillow Mints – Cuz why not? They taste good, and everyone could use a bit of a breath boost at the end of the day.
• 1 Fun Positions Booklet – Now this is where it gets good. You’ve got the sex part down and have all of Cupid’s tools by your side. But what next? This little booklet of sex positions will inspire you both to turn upside down and twist things up. Because you’re never too old to try new tricks!
• FREE LingO Tongue Vibe – Everyone loves free stuff and we love to give it away. Everyone loves a little oral action so we created the LingO tongue vibrator, a little sex toy that you wear around the tip of your tongue to turn even the laziest lover into a cunning linguist…if you catch our drift!

No really, Valentines Day is for Everyone

Are you one of these people?

I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because…

• I am single
• I hate Valentine’s Day
• I’m in a new relationship
• It’s too much pressure
• It’s too commercialized
• It’s a day invented by Hallmark
• He/she expects a ring and I’m not ready
• We’ve been together too long and don’t need to celebrate to prove our love

Whether you are single, cynical, or just too stubborn to celebrate, Valentine’s Day season is here and will be in your face, mocking you. So unless you plan on holing up for the next month and half, you may as well embrace it (at least partly) and have some fun with it.

Sexy Cupid is here to answer all your Valentine’s Day questions. Read our Q & A blog posts with Sexy Cupid for more.

 

It’s the Season of Love Again…Make it Count

New Years just passed, which means it’s that time again to start thinking about Valentine’s Day. Unless you celebrate Martin Luther King or President’s day in a big way, it’s Valentines season as soon as the new year hits. Whether you’re waiting for that ring or you’re single, this is the season of love.

The season of love comes only once a year, so you may as well make it count. But how….do you ask?

Good thing you asked because Sexy Cupid is here again to help you out with sexy holiday gift ideas and plenty of advice for all types of people during this season that can be stressful if you’re not prepared!

How to make Valentines lingerie romantic

Think buying lingerie at Valentines Day is romantic? Sexy, sure. But romantic? You may want to think twice about this.

Romance in her eyes is not getting some lacy but floss that you expect her to squeeze into in order to prove herself worthy on the day you should be celebrating your love. She wants to be swept off her feet, and then she’ll be more willing to dress up for you in return.

Another way to make lingerie more romantic…add a little sexual something that is just for her. Lingerie turns you on, so get her some toys that turn her on. If you show her you care about her sexual needs, she we will more than happy, and even choose to slip on that little racy outfit you bought.

What to get her to make her Valentines sex unforgettable:

Cupid’s Bag O Sexy Tricks –

3 Screaming O Vibrating Rings – The Screaming O Vibrating Ring will change the way you have sex forever. Offering 40+ minutes of erotic vibration, this ring will bring your orgasm to new heights and keep her screaming for more. They don’t call it a Screaming O for nothing!

2 Flavored Personal Lubricants – These personal lubricants are made to work with your body’s natural moisture to offer that little extra something to enhance personal intimacy. And they taste great!

2 Sensual Wipes – Whether you need a quick refresher before an intimate session, or an easy and disposable after-sex toilette, these Sensual Wipes contain soothing moisturizers and natural fragrance to keep you feeling fresh!

2 Sensually Thin Condoms – These top-of-the-line condoms are made “sensually thin” for enhanced sensitivity and feeling and pre-lubricated for extra comfort for the ultimate intimate sensation!

1 Fun Positions Booklet – Get tips, tricks and inspiration for using The Screaming O’s sex toys in your favorite sex positions, and watch your sex life change for ever! Or get creative and invent your own!

2 Pillow Mints – Keeping your breath fresh for whatever life brings you, and offer a little sweetness to enhance the after-O glow.

+ FREE Screaming O Vibrating Bullet – The Screaming O Vibrating Bullets are the ultimate go-anywhere, stow-anywhere micro vibrators made for his and her portable pleasure!

Top Ten Worst Valentines Day Presents – A girl’s guide

From a guy’s perspective:

10. Cute cupid and hearts clothes and accessories…  such as ties, socks and underwear.  No, we are not wearing this to work or any wear in public.  You can save your money and just write a sign that says “my schmoopy is a pussy” instead.

9. Anything with a bobble head is no longer cool for valentines, (not sure if it ever was but we are now making it official.)

8. Drugstore Valentines gifts may get a guy out of the “holy shit it’s Valentines Day” at 5:15 dilemma (even though her grinding teeth and half smile would beg to differ) But never is the reverse ok.  We have no idea what to do with or say when we receive a stuffed animal with a heart under cellophane.  Oooh… look he has your eyes, I’ll put it right on the bar so the guys can see it on poker night?

7. A key chain that says “I love you” or any other attempts to pee on our leg to let other girls know this fire hydrant is spoken for.

6. Re gifting old boyfriends stuff.  I thought I saw that cheesy red bathrobe in the back of the closet once and why does it already smell like Brut?

5. Vegan alternative chocolates and candy. We are not sure what the hell this stuff is but it doesn’t go with the steak I’m ordering.

4. Condescending Obligatory Holiday Pity Sex. Blocking a time slot to roll your eyes and try and convince us how lucky we are would have had us opt for an argument instead… but then again it is sex.

3. A Romantic chick flick movie. If we must go can I take my roofie now?

2. Anything that gives away the fact that you are a psycho: your blood in a vial necklace, our name carved into your skin, our entire life mapped out in a book, etc.

1. Congratulations Valentines Card …we’re pregnant! (and it’s the second date)

Now, you might be asking…what do I give him?

Great question! Why don’t you start off your shopping with a Screaming O Sexy Cupid gift, the perfect way to spice up your Valentines. And trust me from experience…he will love it…it’s Valentines sex!

NOT this: